I am Supermum.

To Whom it may concern,

I am writing to apply for the position of Supermum. I have heard it's this cushy job, which will allow me to be well dressed, groomed and happy all the time. It also means my child will be content at all times, while also looking incredibly fashionable and clean. He will also sleep on schedule.

 
I would like to draw your attention to a few of the valuable  skills I have learned and used in last 350 days.

- Breastfed infant while vacuuming/answering door to posty/texting/eating dinner/using the toilet. (Yes, I went there - only once though!)
- Changed nappy in the dark, while only smearing poo on one of my arms.
- Brought a boot load of groceries into the house in one go. And performed first aid on my hands afterwards.
- Sang the same 3 lines of a baby song for 45 minutes while driving on the highway.
- Forfeited  showering for 52hrs. And then showered in 22seconds.
- Ate an entire main meal in 16 seconds. Over baby's head. While spilling only small amounts in his hair.

Please see attached my Curriculum Vitae. I hope to hear from you soon, regarding this position.

You can contact me via phone between 7:30-8:30pm, which is when the baby is in bed and I am also awake.

Yours sincerely,

Bianca